But now he's..." She trailed off. Men. Such bizarre creatures. One was everything she'd ever wanted and yet nothing she'd ever want, and the other was... Purely incomprehensible. "I wish he'd make up his mind." Maybe he will, if you do," Davina said.That had been almost a month ago and Catheryne still had not managed to screw up her courage and confront him. And she discovered something about herself as she did: she, too, was scared of loss. She had already been rejected by Paitr, in some way--whom she had not seen since that fateful night; she didn't want to see him. Wasn't sure she could trust herself near him. But she didn't want to lose Jordan either. Was scared that the divorce would be complete--that he would turn to her, "No, milady, you needn't apologize, there was no need for concern," all in that flattened monotone voice he seemed to be so enamored of lately--no, that would be too much to be borne. Better to keep silent. Better not to find out. Better to hope.And now today. Seeing them look so stupid out there makes me feel I'm smarter and stronger and all of a sudden I have no more fear. I mean maybe a little. But not enough to keep me from unbuckling Booby's belt and opening the button on his pants. Then I shove my hand right down them. But like how could I forget that boys wear underpants too? So my hand goes on top of Bobby's shorts and that still makes him groan or something. Very slowly I move down until there's no mistaking that I'm in his pants and just a couple of fractions of an inch away from his penis.Oh, Carrie, my mom just came in. Okay, I'll get back to you later. I'm not really finished with my story yet. Not nearly.My mom just felt like passing the time with her favorite daughter. I really wanted to get back to this letter so I didn't say a lot. Gee, Rache, she says, you're kind of sullen today. I'm kind of sullen. Nice. I'm sorry, mom, I said, I'm just writing to Caroline, okay? You really miss her, don't you, my mom says. You bet, I.
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